THE STRENGTH TO GO ON...

The sadest truth is that thousands of women are living with abuse. By living, I mean they literally can’t be away from it.

It’s not because they don’t want to be free from it, but because they are scared they are not strong enough. It’s quite easy to sit on other side of the fence and judge, not knowing the going ons inside that lead to what we see.

As a young woman who survived sexual abuse and stalking, i was made to believe that indeed it was my fault. I had questions in my head with no single answer to them. Although my family and friends thought I was ok, I was still dissapointed at myself, replaying the nigt in my head over and over again, thinking of things I should have done to avoid the playout.

It was when I met this amazing woman from Pretoria who made me realise these important facts:

-       No person askes to be abused, we are all equal and therefore mutual respect is the way we should live.

-       Abusers of any kind pick they vactims very well, for instance a rapist will pick that child or person with low self esteem.

-       Abusers plan their attacks very carefuly, so to think that one can do something to get them out of the situation is unfair and dangerous.

-       Surviving an attack doesn’t mean you almost got attacked – it means you did everything in your power to be alive today. This might mean allowing the rape to take place. I mean in my situation, the guy threw me out of his place where he had kept me for hours at around midnight, thinking about it today, had I walked home during those hours, i trully doubt i would be alive today. So I begged him, yes I did beg the guy to let me stay the night. Yes I was scared for years emotionally, but I made it through.

When one has gone through this, it is of great importance to speak out and up, so loud that people hear you, that people can’t pretend not to have heard what you said. That is not easy though, as police dockets grow legs after one opens a case and the attention the case might cause the victim.

Even so, it is important to press on and seek back ones life. Speaking about it helps, but it is important to speak to someone who actually cares, like a good friend, family or even a counsellor.

Forgiving is part of the healing. Once you have grieved, allow yourself to find peace with it, as it now forms part of the past. It’s painful, but it is now the past. It would be unfair to remember that event every single day of your life, you derseve happiness and a future.

There is no said time to heal, but one should seek it and not give up on it no matter how painful the feeling might be at present.

Families and friends of abuse victims should always offer support. Opinions on how things could have turned out if this and that were tried should be kept to yourselves. Abuse causes a lot of emotional turmoil and the survivor can’t and shouldn’t be burdened with should have’s.

What ever kind of abuse one might have suffered, it is possible to move on. It might take longer, but it is possible. Never allow an abuser to keep abusing you everyday by thinking over and over about the event/s. The power of freedom is in your own hands. You have to believe in you, your story or testimony. You have to support you first and that will give you courage to seek and find the strength to go on, even if no one believes you.

Fortunate Zungu – “Pickingup the pieces” column – Ambition Magazine The pursuit of the extraordinary.

In commemoration of the 16 days of activism against abuse against women and children.